Pint of Sin
by Crack Monkeys
Summary: *Parts 2 & 3 have been added* Crowley and Aziraphale indulge in sinful pleasures which is actually almost what you fan girls were expecting.....We're evil like that.
1. Part 1

Pint of Sin

by: ChocoMonkey and DoomMonkey

Disclaimers: Not ours. So sad, but so true. Leave us alone about it. It's depressing.

Author's Note: While we are crack monkeys, we don't think the whole slashing of these two would work out well....in the end. Therefore, you might be disappointed by the ending. *shrugs* Meh. Read it anyway though. It's cute.

(((((())))))

Crowley walked out into the parking lot. Grocery stores were such fascinating places, especially at one in the morning. So many minor evils could be inflicted upon the poor, sleep-deprived mortals. 

In the past half-hour, he had made someone with thirty items go through the "fifteen-items-or-less" line (the little old man swore the twenty-two cans of tuna fish counted as one item), made the dumbest clerk in the store have to run a price-check on a package of condoms for an embarrassed pimply-faced teenager who looked as if he would never use them, and made a newborn with an ear-infection scream incessantly as its mother waited for its prescription to be filled....   


But his crowning achievement of the night was obtaining the last pint of Edy's Dreamery Chocolate Truffle Explosion. He'd see the three stressed-out college students braving the cold for what they called "pints of sin" to relieve finals anxiety. But there would be no sin for them. He chuckled. This would be good. Maybe they would kill their roommates, or something similarly gruesome.   


Now he had to see if the stuff lived up to its name. He popped the top off of the carton and gave it a lick with his long, snake-like tongue.  


"Oh, wow!" Crowley almost moaned as he climbed into his Bentley. This stuff was _good!_ No, beyond good. It was... dare he say it?...orgasmic! 

He thought it belonged to Heaven, but then he read the Nutritional Information bar on the side of the carton. This had to be the work of the Boss himself! He had to show it to Aziraphale.  


He drove quickly to the angel's bookshop and barged inside before he ate the entire pint. "Aziraphale!" he called.  


"Hello, Crowley," Aziraphale said looking up from his book on saints only slightly confused. He was growing used to this barging in on Crowley's part.   


"I've got something for you, Angel.", Crowley said, his eyes gleaming.

Aziraphale frowned. The tone of Crowley's voice slightly unnerved him which he assumed was what Crowley was intending. He cleared his head of any double meanings that even an angel could have read into that comment. "Oh?" 

"Oh, yes" Crowley grinned. "Something quite... demonic, as a matter of fact. Something I know you'll truly enjoy."

"I see," Aziraphale said crossing his arms. "As I'm an angel, I don't see how that is supposed to make me anxious to see whatever this something is."  


"But you should be, my dear associate." Crowley said, sidling up to the angel. "After all, have I ever steered you wrong?" he looked at Aziraphale with big, dark, innocent eyes.  
  
"Let me think," Aziraphale said pretending to ponder this briefly. "Yes."  


"Port." responded the demon. "You love port. You'll love this, too"  


The angel blinked. "I'll give you that but...you said demonic. This is not an adjective that interests me. Had you said, angelic, pure, or innocent maybe I would consider it."  


Crowley stroked his chin. "OK. It's pure. I heard some college students say so. Very educated girls."

What are we talking about again?" Aziraphael said shaking his head in dismay. "I give up. Just show it to me." Maybe then he could go back to his book.  


"This, my darling associate," he said, holding up the carton "is Chocolate Truffle Explosion. You want some. You need some. Your life is meaningless without some."  


Aziraphale began laughing. "That...that's....this..." He bagan giggling uncontrollably. A pint of ice cream? Then he thought of the whole affair with the apple and began to regain some control over himself. "You're temping me...with a pint of ice cream?"  


"It's much, much better than apples. If I'd had this in the Day, Adam, Eve, the entire animal kingdom and possibly even the Big Guy himself would have been outcast."  


Aziraphale snorted and shook his head. "Still....I was expecting something else. Ice cream is nice. I have had ice cream though, you know."  


****

"But this isn't just _ice cream_," Crowley said mimicking the angel. "This is Edy's Dreamery Chocolate Truffle Explosion! It's better than sex!"  


Aziraphale blushed. "If you say so...."  


"Look." said the demon, putting his face level with the angel's. "The Bible never said anything about ice cream, except that you can't eat meat with it, and that was only in the first edition. If you must deny yourself all of the _other_ earthly pleasures, at least give this one a go. It can't hurt."  


Aziraphale gulped. 

"Okay. Can't do any harm seeing as it's just ice cream. It is really just ice cream, right?" He added a tad suspiciously.   


"What else would it be? Drugs don't affect us unless we let them, remember?"  


"True," Aziraphale said. 

"Here", Crowley said, holding out the carton and a spoon. "Eat."  


The angel sighed taking the spoon and ate the ice cream on it as though he was afraid once he had consumed it, that he would spontaneously combust.  


He blinked afterwards. "Oh. Wow."  


Crowley grinned. "See? What'd I tell you?"  


"Wow," Aziraphale said licking his lips still struck dumb by how wonderfully good the ice cream was. He felt a bit..wicked for having it, but.....it had been worth it.   


"You want some more?" asked Crowley slyly  


Aziraphale nodded not trusting himself to speak.  


Crowley handed him the half-pint that remained.  


Aziraphale began eating it daintily at first and then began almost to inhale it. He made sounds of obvious pleasure as he did so. It really was wonderful.  


Crowley looked on, amused. "Wow, angel." he said, smirking. "I never thought I'd hear _those_ sounds coming from you."  


Aziraphale blushed stopping in mid-swallow. "Err...ummm...that is....I..."  


"Oh, go ahead. Don't be shy. _Enjoy_ yourself, Aziraphale." 

  
Aziraphale looked at him suspiciously for a moment then went back to the ice cream. He really couldn't resist the sinful chocolate of it anyway....He tried to keep the "mmmm"ing noises down however.  


Aziraphale was a bit disappointed as he reached the bottom of the pint. "Don't suppose you have any more?" He asked as he eyed the remaining ice cream more longingly than he had just about anything at all. Ever.  
  
"Well, we _could_ raid the factory..."  


Aziraphale sighed mournfully. "I guess that's a no then." He hurriedly ate the rest of it before he thought too much about how rude it would be to eat all of Crowley's ice cream.  


He handed the empty pint to Crowley and beamed innocently. "Thank you."  
  
"No problem, angel." Crowley said, tossing the container out the window. "I really _do _have to find out who's responsible for this."  


Aziraphale sighed sadly. "You just littered."  


"Do you really care, after that?"  


"Err..of course I do," Aziraphale said and he moved to go after the container. even if he didn't he definitely had to go get it now.  


"What if I told you I had more?" Crowley said, blocking his way.  


"Ummm....I'd say...err..'Let me dispose of the empty pint and then lead the way to more ice cream,' Aziraphale said forcing himself not to get all giddy at the idea that more ice cream was available and forget about the litter.  
  
"All right. Your loss." said the demon as he pulled a fresh pint from somewhere inside his coat and began eating it.  


"But...litter...." Aziraphale said unhappily. More because he was concerned about the ice cream rather than worried for the empty pint.  


He tried to move past Crowley to take care of the litter quickly.  


Crowley ignored Aziraphale's attempts to push past him and continued to eat the ice cream.  


"Crowley," Aziraphale said in a voice bordering on a whine. "Please move?"  


"Mmmmm" moaned the demon.  


The angel wanted the ice cream so badly. He eyed it longingly. He supposed the litter could wait. It would be there when he was done eating the ice cream. 

"Crowley? Can I have some?" He asked the demon almost begging. "I'll do anything for some more...errr..I mean..."  


He shook his head. He was making a fool of himself over ice cream. He shrugged and went back to pleading for more.  


The demon turned around, eyes glittering. "Really?" he asked, holding up the spoon.  


"Ummm......yes...no...that is....." Aziraphale eyed the ice cream practically drooling with desire for it. "Depends?" he managed weakly.  


"On what?" asked Crowley. He was enjoying this.  


"On what you want me to do," Aziraphale said unhappily. "Ice cream.....," he said whining before he could help it. It looked so good. It was so good. It was unbelieveably good.  


"Hmmmm..." the demon said pensively. The ice cream was beginning to melt.  


"Hurry, Crowley. It's melting," Aziraphale said pleadingly afraid for his beloved ice cream.  


"Clean my car!", Crowley said triumphantly. "No more "Best of Queen" tapes." he added gleefully.  


"Clean....your....car?" Aziraphale said blinking. That...wouldn't be so bad. It couldn't be that bad..... He thought it over. He knew he probably shouldn't agree but...ice cream...chocolate....good... "Okay."  


Crowley handed the angel the remainder of the pint, dancing with joy.  


Aziraphale ignored Crolwey and began eating the ice cream like he was stark raving mad.  


Crowley continued to caper about, grinning madly. "Bye bye, Freddie Mercury!" he sang, horribly off-key, of course.  


Aziraphale looked up. "Do you mind?" He looked displeased to be interrupted by terrible singing. "I'm trying to enjoy myself over here."  


The demon stopped singing. "Sorry"  


"Thank you," Aziraphale said scarfing down what reminded of the ice cream all dignity thrown aside.  
  
"Enjoy yourself, Angel?" Crowley said after he'd finished.  


Aziraphale nodded happily. "Sure did," he chirped brightly throwing the pint away properly.  


"Good. Now on to my car..."  


"Huh?" Aziraphale said a bit confused. Reality slowly dawned on him. "You were..kidding right?"  


Crowley just grinned. "Nope."

(((((())))))

TBC....eventually  



	2. Part 2

Authors' Note: And so it came to pass that more of this fan fic was written. And it was good. W00t!

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Aziraphale woke up with a massive headache the following morning. His eyes went wide as he noticed all the empty ice cream cartons on the floor in his room. Spoons were strewn about as well as napkins.

He moaned and rubbed his eyes. What had happened? He had a feeling Crowley had been involved.

He began picking up the cartons marveling at the mess he had made. He would definitely have to wash the carpets. 

He seemed to recall something about washing but he couldn't remember what it was. He hoped it was nothing important.

He walked downstairs to his bookstore after getting dressed and read a dusty tome rubbing his temples every now and then.

As it was getting dark, Crowley come in carrying sponges, a bucket and some soap. He whistled cheerfully as he approached the angel.

"Hello, old chap," he said cheerfully. "It's time!"

"Time?" Aziraphale said clearly confused.

"Yes! Time!" Crowley said with a smirk.

"Might I inquire as to what you are babbling on about?"

Crowley held up the soap and bucket. "Time for you to clean my car."

Aziraphale chuckled. "Right."

"You promised," said Crowley. "You're an angel and unlike me, you have to keep your promises."

"Not the ones I don't make," Aziraphale replied crossing his arms. 

Crowley sidled up to Azirahale.

"What do you remember about last night, angel?"

"Hmmm...let's see. Something about ice cream and washing...uh-oh," Aziraphale said wit a miserable sigh.

Crowley nodded brightly. "Yep. Washing my car."

Aziraphale rolled his eyes and followd the demon out to the Bentley.

To his relief, the outside was gleaming, shiny and black.

"Why am I washing your car again?" Aziraphale remarked. "It looks very clean to me."

"No, my dear angel, you are going to clean out the inside. You promised to rid me of my Best of Queen tapes."

"I don't even want to know what else I promised you," Aziraphale muttered darkly. "I didn't promise you anything else right?"

Crowley looked pensive. 

"You're asking me?"

"Good point. Then how do I know that I promised to clean your car?"

"You remembered it."

"I rememberpromise to wash it not get down on my hands and knees and scrub the interior," Aziraphale muttered.

"Now you're playing my game, angel," Crowley said smirking. "You promised to clean it."

"Wash. I distinctly remember saying I'd wash something for you."

Crowley reached into his black leather coat and pulled out a pint of ice cream. He wiggled it in front of the angel's face.

"Clean!" he ordered.

"Can I have the ice cream first?" Aziraphale begged eyes lighting up and resting solely on the ice cream.

"Only if you promise to clean the car so there are no more Best of Queen tapes ever."

"Stop buying Best of Queen tapes then," Aziraphale said in a whine. "There problem solved. Now ice cream for me."

"I don't buy them, angel," said Crowley sulkingly. "Any tape left in my car for a month turns into a Queen tape."

"How would my cleaning your car change this?"

"Because you're an angel," Crowley stated. "And I'm pretty sure someone down below is behind it. You clean, you get ice cream."

"So your car is evil then?"

"Of course."

"What if it likes those Queen tapes. What if it tries to eat me?" Aziraphale said suspiciously.

"It won't try to eat you. Not all evil things are into eating. That was just Lovecraft."

"Coming from one of those evil things, I don't any reassurance," Aziraphale said still trying to find a way out of this situation.

"I don't know. You seem pretty interested in eating the ice cream."

"Oh well. Some evil being you are. Can't even take on a car. Of all the things in the world to ask for," Aziraphale snorted.

"Like what?" asked Crowley smirking.

"A book. Or a box of chocolates or something."

"I have all the chocolate I need," said Crowley. "and I can get books from you anything."

"Umm...free movie passes then? A case for your tapes so you don't have to leave them in the car."

"That's a good idea. After you're done cleaning we can nip down to the music store and get one of those."

Aziraphale sighed. "Fine, fine. I'll clean your miserable car."

"Thank you, angel," Crowley said sweetly handing the angel the pint of ice cream.

"After I eat the ice cream," Aziraphale said racing into his apartment to get a spoon. After all, he hadn't promised to do it anytime soon.

(((((()))))

Next chapter has also been posted :)


	3. Part 3

Authors' Note: 

Both of the Crack Monkeys who wrote this fan fiction feel bad for Crowley. :(

DoomMonkey forgot about their objective halfway through this and wanted them to get slashed because she is a fan girl through and through. :)

ChocoMonkey forbade it and threatened to cut off DoomMonkey's chocolate supply. :(

DoomMonkey thinks ChocoMonkey is just upset because things like this happen to her in real life. :)

ChocoMonkey doesn't want to write anymore for the story yet. :(

DoomMonkey does. :)

But they haven't yet. :(

However, both Crack Monkeys could be coerced into writing a sequel or DoomMonkey will simply force Monkey de Sade to write it with her. :)

However, DoomMonkey desperately wants reviews. :)

We leave the fate of Crowley in your hands. :(

And basically this Authors' Note is what happens when DoomMonkey is left to her own devices. :)

(((((())))))

Aziraphale securely the door to his apartment and began downing the ice cream like starving man who hadn't seen food for a year.

After a few moments, he heard a knock on his door.

"Yes?" he said in between scarfing down spoonfuls of sinfully good Eddy's Chocolate Truffle Explosion.

He sighed and went to the door to see who it was.

It was Crowley.

He sighed again and reluctantly unlocked the door.

"Enjoying yourself, angel," he said sardonically.

"Yup," Aziraphale said eating more ice cream although he realized sadly that he was reaching the end of the pint.

"Car," said Crowley.

"Are we going to play a word game?" Aziraphale said attempting innocent, cute confusion.

"Car. Clean. Now," retorted Crowley pointing downstairs.

"But....but..ice cream," Aziraphale scraping at the near-empty carton.

Crowley snatched the empty carton from the angel and threw it out the door. 

"Car. Now."

"You littered again" Aziraphale said horrified leaving the apartment to go get the carton.

Crowley locked the door behind him and shook his head before making his way downstairs. Too bad Aziraphale didn't notice he was now locked out of his apartment.

Aziraphale began cleaning outside the car after throwing the pint away. He unhappily tossed tape after tape out onto the sidewalk muttering darkly under his breath.

(((((())))))

After a few hours and near explosions of curse words from the angel, the interior of the car was spotless.

"There," Aziraphae said brightly. "Finished." 

"Thank you, angel," Crowley said.

"I think I'll go have a cup of tea," Aziraphale said heading up to his apartment.

Crowley smirked as he watched him head upstairs.

Aziraphale tugged at the door. Uh-oh....had he locked himself out? Not again. He sighed dejectedly.

"Um...it seems I've locked myself out," he said with a rather embarrassed shrug.

"Would you like to stay with me, angel?"

Aziraphale mulled this over. On one hand, it was a very bad idea. On the other hand, it was a bad idea but he'd get ice cream that way. And on the other hand that he lacked, Crowley was a demon. He could pick the lock.

"Say, couldn't you pick the lock?" he asked although reluctantly fearing he would his chance at procurring more ice cream.

"Do you really want me to?" asked Crowley. "I mean, those locks are really hard to pick. And serious damage to them."

"Ummm...do you have any ice cream at your place?" Aziraphale asked. He realized suddenly he had never been to Crowley's place. "Do you have a place?"

"But of course," the demon answered.

"Hmmm....I guess...although I won't have any change of clothes or anything. Maybe I have a spare key around here somewhere."

He rummaged in his pockets and found nothing.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" he asked the demon politely. He supposed there was no harm in it seeing as they were...well, associates.

"Oh no problem at all," Crowley replied.

"I can't believe I locked myself...wait a minute. You were the last one out."

Crowley did his best to look innocent and failed admirably.

"Crowley! That was not very nice."

Crowly attempted to look innocent. He was able to make it more realistic. After all, he had been an angel once.

"So did you?" Aziraphale asked in confusion.

"Did I what?" Crowley asked.

"Umm...lock me out."

"Now why would I do something like that?" asked Crowley.

"That's true. You really gain much by locking me out of my house. And you are beig nice and letting me stay at yours. Are you up to something?"

Crowley looked wounded. "Moi?" he asked innocently.

"I guess not," Aziraphale said shrugging. 

"Let's go," Crowley said opening the door to his clean Bentley and gesturing for Aziraphale to get in.

"You better not do anything funny," Aziraphale said climbing in. At least he'd get ice cream out of this. 

Crowley got in grinning at Aziraphale. "I won't make you laugh once, I promise."

"Ha, ha," Aziraphale said with a sigh. 

"So don't come along," said Crowley.

"No. That's okay. I need somewhere to stay."

"Call a locksmith," Crowley suggested.

"That's okay. I'll call them tomorrow. I'd like to stay with you anyway," the angel said happily thinking about having more ice cream.

"See how the other half lives, eh?" Crowley said raising an eyebrow.

"Something like that," Aziraphale said cheerfully. 

Crowley grinned and started the car and headed off to his place.

"I can't wait until we get to your place," Aziraphale said with a smile.

"Oh really?" Crowley said raising an eyebrow again.

"Of course. I've always wanted to be invited to your house."

Crowley looked at Aziraphale strangely and kept driving.

"What?" Aziraphale asked afraid Crowley had caught on to his desire for more ice cream.

"Oh nothing. Nothing at all," Crowley said forcibly keeping his eyes on the road.

Aziraphale was afraid he'd hurt Crowley's feeling so he patted his hand and said, "It'll be nice to spend more time with you."

He didn't want Crowley to think he was only going for the ice cream after all.

"Are you feeling okay, angel?" Crowley asked.

"Never been better," Aziraphale said in a chipper tone of voice. 

"All right then." Crowley shrugged pulling into the garage of his ultra-modern high rise.

So close to having more ice cream, Aziraphale thought almost giddy with anticipation. 

The doorman dressed all in black bowed respectfully to Crowley and raised an eyebrow at Aziraphale.

"Oh it's all right. He's with me," Crowley said airily as they walked to the elevators.

"Just the night though," Aziraphale added over his shoulder attempting to clarify the situation.

Crowley kept walking

They got into the elevator and Crowley punched in the number "666"

"You live pretty high up," Aziraphale said noticing the number. "Seems a nice place so far."

"Closer to heaven," Crowley added sardonically.

Aziraphale smiled and thought about the ice cream.

Crowley unlocked the door marked "666" and walked inside.

Aziraphale followed him looking around anxiously. "You have to give me a tour of the place." Starting with a refrigerator he thought to himself.

Crowley gestured to the living room which was lavishly decorated with black furniture and curtains. There was also some chrome decorations as well.

"Very nice."

"This is the kitchen," Crowley said passing by the small nook that housed the oven, refrigerator, and stove.

Aziraphale quickly took a peek in the freezer but there was no ice cream. He sighed softly and followed Crowley into another room.

"And this, my darling angel, is the bedroom," he said grandly. The demon bowed gallantly with a smirk and gestured Aziraphale inside.

Aziraphale walked in wondering where the ice cream could be.

He saw a platform bed with a black bedspread and nightstand. Three walls were windows giving them an exquisite view of the London skyline.

"This is very nice too," Aziraphale said brightly still wondering where the ice cream could be. Though he imagined to ask....Crowley had been pulling pints out of his jacket pocket..hmmm..

Azirahale moved over to where Crowley was.

"Have I told you how much I like your jacket?"

"Thank you. I'm rather fond of it myself," the demon said grasping the angel's hands.

"Aren't you a bit warm in it though?" Aziraphale said attempting to sound nonchalant and wondering why Crowley was grasping his hands.

"You want me to take it off?" Crowley asked a bit surprised.

"If you don't mind," Aziraphale said politely.

"Oh no. Not at all," Crowley said. He took off the jacket and placed it on a chair.

Aziraphale started to slowly inch towards the chair, but Crowley was in his way. He moved closer to Crowley and tried to reach around on either side of the demon for the jacket.

Crowley was rather surprised by the angel's sudden intimacy but he returned the hug just the same.

Aziraphale blinked a bit confused. Why were they hugging? He just wanted ice cream. 

Then he felt Crowley's tongue on his ear and he yelped.

"What are you doing?" Aziraphale asked nervously.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Crowley whispered in a seductive hiss into his ear.

"Ummm.....not really," Aziraphale said.

Crowley pulled away and looked into Aziraphale's eyes. "But..you held my hand and you hugged me...you came over to apartment...."

While he was saying this, Aziraphale began rummaging through Crolwey's jacket.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Crowley asked extremely confused at this point. Hadn't the angel been flirting with him seconds ago? 

Aziraphle moaned miserably when he found no ice cream at all in any of the jacket's pockets. 

"What is it?" Crowley asked perplexedly.

"You don't have any ice cream," Aziraphale said in a sad soft voice.

"ICE CREAM?!?!?!?!" Crowley roared. "You wanted ice cream!?!?!?!"

Aziraphale meeped. "Yes?"

Crowley put his head in his hands and sank down onto the bed. "But...."

Aziraphale looked concerned. "Are you okay?"

"I thought you wanted me," Crowley moaned through clenched teeth.

"Uh-oh...ummm...oops?" Aziraphale managed patting Crowley's hand.

"Go. Sleep on the couch. Now."

"Okay," Aziraphale said feeling somewhat bad for the demon. "Are you mad at me?"

"No just go away," Crowley said his head still in his hands.

"Is there anything I can do?"

Crowley looked up. "Go! Now! I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"If you're sure then," Aziraphale said. He patted the demon on the shoulder before leaving.

Crowley slammed the door behind the departing angel and curled up on his bed and went to sleep. 

"Damned ice cream," he said unhappily.

Aziraphale felt too guilty to go to sleep so he sat up all night instead desperately wished he had ice cream.

(((((())))))

The End? :)


End file.
